All to often, weight can come between us and the one we love. How many times have you not wanted to do something with your partner that he/she really wanted to because you felt fat? Or, you’ve cancelled out on friends or family because you are embarrassed of your weight? Or, you didn’t want to go somewhere that you’d be tempted with food? Have you stopped having sex because you don’t feel attractive? Are you pulling away from those that love you, such as your spouse, children, parents, etc.? Don’t let your weight destroy your relationship by keeping the following in mind:
If you answer questions like those above, you’ll know why you are carrying out certain behaviors. It’s important to understand why you are pulling away from your relationship. By saying no to doing things with your partner, you are in fact pushing them away. By knowing why you are doing what you are, you’ll be able to change it. I’m sure you’d like to be out enjoying time with them, but you’re letting your weight hold you back. By building awareness to situations that make you feel uncomfortable, you’ll be able to turn that time into a great day spent together. Perhaps, instead of worrying about going to a restaurant with fattening foods, you can pack a picnic. You can find a restaurant that the two of you would enjoy that serves healthier choices or modifies their cooking to your needs. Perhaps the two of you can take a walk on the beach to watch the sunset as a date instead of it being a time always centered around food. By building awareness, you’ll be able to get closer with your partner, instead of running away from them because of how you feel.
-Commit to their needs too.
While your needs are very important, sometimes we let our weight take over. If you can realize that this is what you’re doing, you can make a commitment to trying different things to please them too. Being overweight can bring us to a place that we’re hurting, but sometimes by thinking of someone else’s needs, it can help pull us out of that. Being overweight has a way of making us selfish sometimes. It takes over us and becomes the most important thing to us. By committing to them, it’ll help free you up and get you out and enjoying life with them again.
-You still deserve time.
Even though it’s important that we think of them, we still need our space. But, what will you do with yours? It should be a time that’s productive or relaxing, but essentially gives back to you within. Are you going to take a walk, exercise at the gym, or go to the spa to get pampered for an hour? Whatever you choose, don’t make it a time to sit and sulk. Part of having a healthy relationship, is our having a healthy relationship with ourselves.
-Plan things with them.
One of the easiest ways to assure that you’re giving to the relationship, is by planning time together. By setting a schedule, you’ll be prepared and you’ll be using the great tool of “planning.” By doing this, it allows for you to be mentally prepared. With being overweight, it sort of distracts us and sometimes infuriates us when we need to do something. By knowing our plan ahead of time, we will be much more calmer, ready, and less anxious.
-It builds self-love.
It’s important that you connect with the person in your life on many different levels. By spending time together and getting out and doing things, you’re able to strengthen the bond between the two of you. Life should be exciting and enjoyable. By sharing it with someone, it makes it more joyful and we build a greater self-love off of it. It’s all up to you to feel this way about yourself, but it’s also out there if you go and find. What are your challenges? What are your dreams? There’s so much around us to do to build our self-love, and once you begin, you’re relationship will grow deeper too.
-You are worthy.
It’s important that you know that you are worthy of having a good, healthy life and relationship. You should never punish yourself because of your weight. By letting it come between you and your relationship, you are hurting the both of you. So much is involved in weight loss, but when we let go of the punishment, it can put things into perspective and change so much for us. I wish more people would understand the steps to weight loss and how so many things matter when it comes to change.
I always mention “tools” when it comes to losing weight. I tell my clients all the time, that in order to succeed they need the tools and then they need to put them into use. Is your relationship having problems? Is the problem that your weight keeps you away from a relationship? Well, there are tools to help for every situation or issue you may have. It begins with being aware of what’s going on in your life that you’d like to change. You can research and find the many tools and tips to help. These days, resources are all over the internet or in a book or at a support group, etc.
It’s never to late to change things to improve your relationship. Sometimes our weight may take over and destroy what was once a beautiful love. There are things that we can do to help. You can talk it over with them, talk to a therapist if you need, and try the about changes and tips. By making changes today, we can absolutely rescue our relationship before it’s too late.