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Sex in the Spring

When we think of spring, we think of love. When we think of love, we think of sex. When we think of sex, we think of the greatest thing ever. But be careful, while sex is indeed the greatest thing ever, it can have horrible, horrible consequences. So kids, let us discuss the birds and the bees that always accompany the spring season.

Here is a newsflash: sex can lead to procreation. Good Lord, that is terrible. What a sickness pregnancy is! If you do not think that pregnancy is an illness, just ask any woman who went through the whole morning sickness and obesity ordeal while pregnant. I would encourage everyone to have as much sex as is humanly possible this coming spring, but please, please, please employ the use of contraceptives. I understand that your religious convictions may frown upon the use of these, but just ignore them. God will understand. After all, He is merciful. And furthermore, your religious leaders may very well be misinterpreting what God actually wants, so you may not even need His mercy after engaging in sexual intercourse with contraceptives. So really, there is no excuse for not using these wonderful devices that prevent the union of the sperm and the egg.

Here is another newsflash: sex can lead to diseases. God Almighty, how horrendous. The greatest thing ever (sex) can give you the worst diseases imaginable. And yes, you can utilize condoms to prevent the contraction of most of these nasty viruses and bacteria, but condoms do not protect against them all. There are many scientists who contend that HPV can be transmitted even when a condom is used. That is extraordinarily unfortunate. Therefore, you better be well aware of who you are doing the dance with, because as far as you know, that person could have danced his or her way up to infestation of the most terrible kind. Please, be careful. Do not get the HIV or the HPV or the herpes or any of the other STD’s.

So much for the daily habits that may make you sick this spring. The most amazing of the springtime habits can lead to devastating consequences. With that said, you better make certain that you take all of the necessary precautions to avoid these things. No one wants to get surprised by either a newborn baby or an incurable disease. Be safe while having springtime sex, for abstinence is not an option.