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Living with Autism

Stop accessing her, leave her alone, give her a chance, she’ll catch up, shes only three.

When I think back now, they were all only just preparing us for the inevitable, but we didn’t want to know.

We just wanted to wrap her up in cotton wool, and not let anyone judge her lack of progress,

We genuinely thought she was just a late developer, even though the signs were there from the beginning.

I her mother didn’t actually accept her handicap, until she reached the age of five, and so was ready to start school, and as she was not suitable for mainstream, the only school on offer was a school for special needs children.

At this point our fight was over, there’s no going back now, this was her future.

My daughter is fourteen now, and was eventually diagnosed with Autism.

She has the mentality of a two year old, her speech is poor, and because of this she gets very frustrated, and throws a lot of tantrums.

And so the poor child has to take medication, which affects her weight, her personality, and her ability to play.

My daughter is twenty four hour care, and I often ask my self why me? why my child?.

I often console my self in the knowledge that I’ll never have to worry about her going out to clubs, drinking too much, taking drugs, or some romeo breaking her heart.

But thats unfair of me, shes entitled to have her heart broken, shes entitled to go to clubs, drink to much and experiment with drugs.

Instead, she’ll be sitting in with me, playing football with her dad, coloring in her coloring books, or looking forward to her weekly visit to the shops, and the swimming pool at the weekend. And the funny thing is she doesn’t know any difference.

At least I’ll never be lonely in my old age, I could put her into care, but how could I justify my existence, with some unknown person bringing up my child.

I often think about putting her into care, but my life would be worthless without her, she’s the reason I exist, the reason I get up in the morning.

The guilt I feel will forever be with me, as the mother of a child like my daughter, one can only blame yourself, for its my genes in her, even though they say its not genetic, more like the will of god.

How can I accept that?

My mother had six children,we were all OK!

I only have two! its not fair! but then whats fair?

I’ve heard it said life’s not fair! and I know of other children a lot worse than my daughter,
so I have to be grateful for small mercies,

And so life goes on and on and on!